That moment

I have a horse who makes me happy. My gelding has been with me for over four years now and sometimes I realize that he is the best horse to have come into my life. He isn’t the most athletic, my old thoroughbred was much more athletic than Bechler is. My mare is a much nicer horse than Bechler. My first horse had a quieter disposition than Bechler. Despite all of this, Bechler is my partner. He will cross the moon for me if we decide to do it as a team. 

Today I was having a rough day. I needed an outlet for my crazy, manic energy, so I grabbed a halter jumped on my big spotted horse. I led him over, climbed our arena fence, and launched myself onto his back as he edged up to the fence. As soon as I got my seat, we were off. We worked on bending left and right without having him brace against the lead rope.  We used other horses in the pasture instead of cones to weave around and as the center of our circles. We rode over our dude obstacles, side passing over the log, stepping up onto the tilting bridge and balancing it then stepping up onto it so it came down to us. We stopped and tiptoed forward one step at a time. We rocked forward, then back off of seat cues. We backed softly then went forward at a fast walk. 

We never broke out of a walk but that walk alone helped wash the anxiety off of me. Being on the same note as that horse helped me be at peace with myself and with the world. This time of year I have a hard time coming down from the summer. In the summer my job required that I am constantly busy and around people almost all the time. This time of year there are things to do, but I can do them at my own pace. I am alone often. Today I saw no other human. I did see forty-four horses. They are quieter companions. I need to remember how to be alone without being lonely. I need to remember how to be at appeased with silent company. How a muzzle touching me with a dog by my side can replace a whole day of words. I need to re-adapt.